I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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