i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so let's talk penis.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Randomize
