im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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