plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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