Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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