I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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