he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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