Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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