btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
