ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
