New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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