maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
