Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
