at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
