my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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