Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
