Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
