Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
