I heard we made out
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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