i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
