So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
