you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
