He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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