people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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