i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
