So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
there was a trapeze. enough said
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize