i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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