i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
