he thought i was a dude.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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