blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
