I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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