they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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