Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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