Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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