why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
