Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
