I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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