I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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