the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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