I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
