Just cropdusted the office
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
