My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
