i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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