I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
