Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
