well I can't set my house on fire every night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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