My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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