Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
