Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
