Don't you send me to vm
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you had me at cake vodka
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
