I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
