it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
